


Study in Dean

by OniX



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-28
Updated: 2013-04-28
Packaged: 2017-12-09 19:15:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/777048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OniX/pseuds/OniX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean didn't believe in angels until one believed in him. Dean's thoughts of himself are changing. </p>
<p>Yeahh okay, really this is just what I wish to happen and a rant. Winchesters have been giving me lots of pain lately.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Study in Dean

Dean didn't believe in angels. Until one believed in him. 

Dean didn't believe in angels. 

After all he'd been through, that probably sounded stupid. Dean had seen all kinds of things; vampires, ghosts, demons, Leviathan... He had also been to lots of places, he had time-travelled and he had seen Hell. Literally. Dean had fought in many wars, he wasn't stupid and he could still honestly say he didn't believe in angels. 

The thing was, Dean knew things ordinary people didn't. He knew how to kill million things and he had killed far too much in this life. Or, in all of his lives, depends on how you take it. Dean had died and came back to life. Dean had sacrified and been sacrified. He'd been used, lied to, abused, beaten, tortured, and he had done all those things himself. But that didn't make Dean proud, no. 

Dean hated himself. He really did. That one time he got to decapitate himself... He didn't lie when he said it felt good. It did. Dean was not proud and he drowned that in alcohol, witty answers and self-pity. It didn't help, of course. It just made him feel even worse. And for all these things he'd done, he thought he deserved to die. Go to Hell got quite literal when you lived a life like this. 

That's what Dean thought without a hope of changing his views. Yeah, before someone showed him there might be other ways to see him. Sammy, of course, did what he could to save Dean, but Dean didn't let him. Whatever he did, Sam wouldn't get hurt. He knew Sam used to see him as a hero and a cool guy, and he knew Sam loved him. But that was just a fact. Something Dean wouldn't change for the world, something that had always been there. They had fights, sure, but Dean had proved that he would die for Sam. Over and over again, if he needed to. And Sam had proved he loved Dean just as much. 

That wasn't what changed him. It certainly helped, but it didn't nudge him forward to the start of this rocky road. Dean, no matter how weird it sounded, Dean Winchester was starting to appreciate himself. 

What shoved him right down to that path was an angel. A very childish, confused angel called Castiel. It had started right away when Cas first appeared and saw through Dean, saw that he thought he didn't deserve to be saved. From that moment Dean could remember it starting. It was just a quiet whisper in the back of his head; "maybe this angel thinks you're worth saving?" At first Dean had pretty much laughed at the thought. Who would want to save him, stupid, little, unimportant human? 

Then, lately, Dean had started to think. For some reason, every time Cas looked at him, he looked somehow different than everyone else. Maybe he just understood Dean, or maybe he was just so... So innocent and pure. Or maybe Cas just truly believed that everyone could be saved. But Cas looked at Dean like he actually meant something. Like maybe he wasn't just a puppet, maybe he did make a difference. That was a whole new aspect, truly new way to see himself. 

The way had been long. But that's where it started. Dean thought he was better now, but he also thought that there was a long way ahead. He would need help, Sam and Cas would have to put a lot of work to get his thoughts of himself to really change. Dean would have to work even harder. He believed that some day he might actually think of himself as a good man. That was far away, but maybe one day. 

Sometimes Dean asked himself how he ended up in here. To fall for an angel. But it wasn't that weird after all. Because this one angel, this very special angel, he was different. He was good. All he wanted was good, he did stupid things sometimes, but so did Dean. And for Castiel, Dean could forgive lots of things. He had told he didn't pray often, what was the point if you didn't believe either in God or in God helping? But for this angel, Dean prayed more than he had ever prayed in his life. He trusted Cas with the most important thing he had in his life, Sam. That told how much he trusted Cas. 

Now Dean was in a point where he could set down the beer and choose a cup of coffee. He could look up to the skies and think that there was someone who thought he was worth saving. Someone who cared about him just as much as Dean cared about them. Someone who loved Dean back, with all his flaws and even with all the blood on his hands. He had someone who believed in him. 

So Dean didn't believe in angels. He believed in one angel. 

He believed in Castiel.


End file.
